its not stalking. its research.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
