Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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