if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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