I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
