I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
