After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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