I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
