dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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