If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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