how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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