Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize