I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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