he shaved USA in his pubs
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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