I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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