Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
