im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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