I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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