I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
smell my finger.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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