i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
