Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
home. puking in laundry basket.
birth control should be required to get into college
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
