somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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