Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
