just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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