from now on my penis is your penis
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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