No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
