I want to walk on stilts...naked
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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