it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
