He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
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Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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