Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
