Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
