is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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