There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
