honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
