Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
did i walk over a car last night?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
