1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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