I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
