I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
