omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
