Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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