Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
