My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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