You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He shit in the fireplace
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
