there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
