uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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