When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
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I'm at about main and main street
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
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So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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