pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
