I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
