fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
