the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
