A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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