the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
