i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
