Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
