why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
