her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
