covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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