Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
