i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
