I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
