I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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