i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my poor anus
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
