the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
