you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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